I can’t pinpoint the exact time it started, but I became a parent who yells.
I wouldn’t say that I do it all the time, but some days, it sure feels that way. I think it may have to do with how old the boys are now (9 and 6) that requires me to project that booming voice of motherhood.
Or maybe their gender is a bigger factor. I seem to remember understanding the edge of my parents’ reason much better than my older brother. I thought it had more to do with birth order, but I’m starting to doubt that theory. Boys run on different circuits than girls.
I recall visiting a friend of mine when my oldest was just an infant. My first experience with “the yelling” was my friend to her son. I was really taken aback by how this friend, who I knew as easy-going and carefree, turned into someone else who boomed out disapproval. I foolishly thought that I would never do that to my son. How could I? Look at what a cute baby he is?
I do not go straight to the yell. I’m a reasonable person. I use simple, declarative sentences. There are no mixed-messages. If they would listen… then do, I would never yell again. It sounds like I’m blaming them for my actions. Hmmm.
One of my beliefs as a parent is to show my kids that grown-ups have emotions and that we are far from perfect. I had an acquaintance that would only speak in a measured tone to her children, no matter their behavior. I don’t know about her kids, but it drove me a bit crazy. I like to show the boys that if I get too emotional, I have the self-control to reign it in. I hope that showing my boys these imperfections will give them a realistic view of the world and themselves. Parents are humans too.
Do I want to yell less? Yes.
Will I? I don’t know.
My moment this week was to sit down and talk with my little creatures about the importance of listening, then doing. There is a time to be a goofball and there is a time to set that aside and be in control. They get it. They just need practice. Just like mom.
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I too am a Mom that yells! Partly because I’m working upstairs and they are downstairs, and partly because they don’t “hear” the request when spoken in normal tones. Indeed if they would listen then do, my life would be a quieter one!
NB: I am also loud when happy, and silly, and all sorts of other feelings, so I’d like to THINK that this balances out the yelling. But I’m sure there are people out there who thing I’m a horrible Mom for my yelling.
In general, I’m a very loud person. Lately I’ve noticed my daughter yelling at the dog, “Snickers, outside”, or the cars going too fast down our street, “Slow Down!”. I’ve noticed that she sounds just like me. It’s interesting that children teach us adults, just like we teach them. Monet is only two, but already she has taught me something about myself when it comes to yelling.
I wonder if your theory on boys vs. girls is accurate. I guess now that I’m about to have a boy, I’ll get a glimpse of these differences very soon 😉
I call it the mommy voice. Yep, I’m guilty. Like you, I could never have imagined that primal yell escaping my lips before kids. Now, it is what I use to gain control when things are heading south. Sometimes, I’ll yell and we’ll all have a good laugh. It’s life. It’s human, It’s necessary!