Most everyone gets to choose where he or she lives. Some have circumstances choose for them. Either way, no one should have to justify where she lives.
This week, I’ve been to two houses for playdates. Both were at houses we had not visited before. Both houses were huge. In the area that I live, this is a trend. New construction means huge houses. We’ve seen them being built, having lived here for about seven years and we (my husband and I) always wondered who would live in them. Now I know.
Both families were sweet with regular kids like mine and moms doing what moms do everyday. The playdates were a success, in my opinion. But I must admit, I’m uncomfortable. I’ll try to explain why.
I’m gonna riff a little homage to George Carlin. When you have kids, they come with stuff. Lots of stuff. I know there are people that choose to live without this stuff, but I’m not that person. We do try to be conscious of our choices, but we still have stuff. So the stuff needs to go into other stuff. And that stuff gets placed in rooms. How many rooms? Well, that comes down to your choice of home. We live in a modest house. It’s not small, but no one would walk in and exclaim that it’s large. And we’ve filled it with our stuff.
Okay, so multiply what you imagine my stuff adds up to by 3 or 4 times and you get the sum of the huge houses’ stuff. It’s the suburban edition of Cribs. Now, I’m really not judging these families for their choices. I’m trying to understand why it made me uncomfortable and I’m still processing that “why.” One reason I can point to is that we try to teach our boys to appreciate what they have and to comprehend what others don’t have. It’s a difficult lesson to teach kids and I think they struggle when surrounded by stuff.
My moment this week is recognizing this uncomfortable feeling and trying to understand it. We’ve chosen this community and this will not be last time we’ll be in a huge house, enjoying the company of another family. I’m a BIG fan of live and let live, so I want to identify my weird feelings and then let them go. Stuff shouldn’t matter.
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I completely agree. I hate looking at all our “stuff” and am often embarrassed that we have so much. Others have more and many have less.
When we took our kids to Vietnam several years ago, I came back embarrassed by how we lived in America. We could certainly live without much of what we have, but it would be a challenge for many of us.
For years, C and I have said that the bigger the house, the more junk we accumulate. I also think the bigger the boys, the more room I need in my house, lol. And now we have a big dog.
Oh boy! I could write a novel on this subject alone. I flip flop on this subject from day to day.
Our yard backs up to a gated community with 5000-10,000 sf homes. It’s mind blowing. One day, Pete was on the chairlift talking about one of the homes and the gal on the lift turned out to be the homeowner. Ugh. She’s a lovely woman and we felt like complete asses. Different strokes for different folks.
As for the junk, the only way I can get rid of ours is if I get rid of my husband. He’s cute, so I live with it!
Oh yes, I “hear” what you’re saying. I too choose to live in a small house and keep things simple. Honestly, my daughter and I rarely stay home. Instead we like to go somewhere everyday and explore the world outside our home, go on adventures, and out to see people. Along with that, as soon as she gets a new toy, honestly she is sick of it the next day. She likes simple things, toys that we make up here at home –like putting cotton balls in a water bottle, or playing with rocks. It may sound funny, but honestly I rather challenger the creative side of her brain to create toys and activity out of simple things around the house, and little adventures around town. Thanks for sharing this perspective. I too think it’s important.
Cyn – I read this just before going off to teach and thought about it off and on all morning. In fact I glanced at our Dining room that got turned into a music room and sighed…it didn’t look nearly as neat and tide this morning as it does here
http://www.candiedfabrics.com/2009/06/16/books-moved-entire-house-rearranged/
but after really studying the pix when I went to find the link, I realize that it isn’t THAT messy, it’s just there are some piles of music that aren’t neat and tidy, and a cello case lying in the middle of the floor.
I too struggle with the “do we have too much stuff” worry – but as I looked around at my downstairs, I’m thinking no. Most of our furniture has a history, a story, and is used quite often. We don’t have that pretty living room that no one ever sits in. After significantly paring down the boys playroom this summer, they play in their much more often – there’s more room for their RAPIDLY growing bodies! I think that we’ve tackled the stuff monster, and I am bound and determined to keep it under control.
Whoa, I’m gonna stop writing, although I could write more. You’ve touched a nerve here in Candyland! I know your feeling, and have it myself – and I’ll bet that the demon in MY head is often times very judgemental of folks – both those who have rooms full of furniture that look like a furniture store ad, as well as folks who can’t let go of ANYTHING and would be a good candidate for one of those de-clutter reality decorating shows. Stuff matters for me. WHY? I don’t know – but it does! It shouldn’t…sigh…
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